Jokes? Yeah we got jokes and we'll stick 'em here

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Baldhead_J, Aug 16, 2016.

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  1. Bubba58

    Bubba58 Bronze Member

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  2. Gina

    Gina Bronze Member
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    Okay I would love to say this is a joke but in reality this is why I will always be middle management:

    In office with both owners of company (two very different personalities). I get a letcure of how I got to introduce myself in the future. (SNOWFLAKES TAKING OVER)
    Owner example hello my name is John, I prefer the pronoun of him or them, you call call me by them.

    Without missing a beat I replied
    Hello my name is Gina, I prefer the pronoun Bitch and if this angers or confuses you please dont call me...
    One ower walked away shaking his head the other LOL. Not sure but I dont think they are going to put my name first on when we can open up... But worth it.:)
     
  3. Baldhead_J

    Baldhead_J Gold Member
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    With 2021 finally here, these are some of my 2020 Thoughts & Observations

    1. The dumbest thing I bought in 2020 was a planner.

    2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.

    3. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

    4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay home!

    5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house and told my cat. We laughed a lot.

    6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

    7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

    8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars and keep men at home!

    9. I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

    10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

    11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.

    12. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.
     
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  4. BigDawg

    BigDawg Well-Known Member

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    Those are all good.

    From my perspective, when I was younger (late teens-early twenties) I had long hair, was standing up against "The Man" and, apparently, I was a Liberal. Now I'm in my sixties, have long hair, and standing up to "The Man" and, apparently, now I'm a Conservative.





    BD
     
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  5. IROQUOIS

    IROQUOIS Gold Member

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  6. IROQUOIS

    IROQUOIS Gold Member

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  7. IROQUOIS

    IROQUOIS Gold Member

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  8. IROQUOIS

    IROQUOIS Gold Member

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  9. Klyde1

    Klyde1 Bronze Member

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    Honestly, if someone were to come up to me and insist on certain pronouns in order to speak with them, they aren't worth talking to.
     
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  10. 4thunder

    4thunder Well-Known Member

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    A woman asked her husband if she was the only one he had ever slept with. He said, "Yes, all the others were nines and tens." Give it a minute.....

    Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time," isn't the correct response.

    Don't irritate old people. The older we get, the less "Life in prison" is a deterrent.

    I really don't mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.


    I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

    As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of....it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

    I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday. (This is from the guy in the first one!!!)

    Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

    I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test... same thing.
     
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  11. IronButt70

    IronButt70 Bronze Member

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    Bernie was feeling run-down from the campaign, election, and inauguration. He went to the doctor who ran a series of expensive tests (expensive for us – no cost to him). A few days later, the doctor called him back into the office, handed him a large jar full of liquid, and told him, “Drink all of this! ALL of it!” Bernie managed to get it down, then said, “That tasted like shit!” The doctor said, “It was – you were a quart low.”
     
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  12. Dagwood

    Dagwood Chillin
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    Gotta be a joke...

    146450219_3675167315912932_2770824115529692654_o.jpg
     
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  13. Gator Mcklusky

    Gator Mcklusky Silver Member

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    You and me both lady. I’m capped out in the middle, but I’m ok with it. I can still look at myself in the mirror and know that I didn’t sell out my principles.
     
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  14. Gina

    Gina Bronze Member
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    To be honest I am feed up with it, I weight living more self substained verses more money.... I am only in mid 50's and right now money is not winning. I am in the process of cashing out and hunkering down.
     
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  15. Gator Mcklusky

    Gator Mcklusky Silver Member

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    We’re on the same track. My target date is June 1st.
     
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  16. Gina

    Gina Bronze Member
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    will and IROQUOIS like this.
  17. Gina

    Gina Bronze Member
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    next summer.
     
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  18. 4thunder

    4thunder Well-Known Member

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  19. will

    will Bronze Member
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    Right
     
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  20. 4thunder

    4thunder Well-Known Member

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    It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:

    Two tall trees, a birch and a beech are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow
    between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

    The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says,
    "Woodpecker you are a tree expert, can you tell if that is a son of a beech or son of a birch?"

    The Woodpecker takes a small taste of the small tree and replies "It is neither a son of a birch
    or son of a beech. Is is however the best piece of ash I have ever stuck my pecker into.

    Now, wipe that grin from your face....LOL.

    4T
     
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